Any Year>2009

I am so looking forward to 2010.

It's odd because 2009 had many a milestone in it: Graduating college, moving back home, working for a living, not being a student, ect,ect... But I can truly say that it was the worst year of my 22 year old existence. Not only for the bad luck that seemed to follow me everywhere but for the truths I learned about humanity in general. Truths and realizations that will never reverse themselves and will never change no matter how old I get.

I loved and I lost. I learned that no matter how much you care for a person, that doesn't meant that you should be with them. I learned that people are people and will do horrible and shitty things to you. Just like you do horrible and shitty things to them. We're all hypocrites. We're all lovers. We all make mistakes. It's about knowing when to forgive, when to forget and when to move the fuck on. I learned that falling asleep sober at 9:30 in the evening and waking up at 9 in the morning is much more enjoyable than being wasted till 4 in the morning and having to wake up in 3 hours. I learned that it is not wise to eat Taco Bell, McDonalds, or Wendy's at 3 in the morning after drinking JUST because it's by your house and they're open. C'mon fatty fatterton.

I am now a runner. I am also the skinniest I have ever been. I feel good but I also know that there is a long road ahead of me if I want to be the movie star I dream of...

(After I wrote all this, I can't help but feel that I learned such life lessons that it might be a positive thing!)

I know it's silly but I feel really, REALLY positively for 2010. And what a better way to start off the New Year than with a positive attitude???

So I'd like to take this time to apologize to all those that I offended in the year of 2009. To also thank all of you that brought such positivity and love into my life at such happy and also horrible times!

I bought a DREAM BOARD yesterday. A DREAM BOARD is basically a cork board, some index cards and tacks. I will write my dreams/goals on the cards no matter how big or small the dream may be and stick them up there. The object is to achieve these goals but to also continue adding more goals to the board so it is never empty and I am never done achieving!

2010:
Care wayyyy less of what people think of me
Love
Go on 15 dates, AT LEAST!
Move to NYC
Meet new people
Master the guitar
Become more socially graceful
Have more fun and take bolder risks with my style
Learn to live completely on my own
Knit a scarf
Go ice skating at Rockefeller
Make love with no inhibitions
Audition
Be happy


I love you all. Thank you.

BUT TO ANY BITCHES WEARING MY LEOPARD PRINT DRESS FROM RODARTE FOR TARGET ON NYE, I WILL RIP YOUR HAIR OUT!

<3

dreamzzz

I dream almost every night and can remember most of them. I have always had very surreal, intense and possibly psychotic dreams/nightmares. I remember dreams from when I was 3 or 4 and even how they made me feel. Random things/situations/objects can also trigger me to remember dreams from years ago. I dream in color.

I had this nightmare last night, that you are soon to hear about. When I forced myself to wake up from the dream, I immediately grabbed my phone and texted Kate because she shares my weird dream problem.

THE DREAM

I was in a city, which was a mix between Pittsburgh and Columbus. I was constantly calling my mother but she could not be reached. Suddenly, everyone started to flee but no one that I was with would leave with me. I ended up with Jen B., a girl from Pittsburgh who is not a close friend and I haven't spoken with in over 6 months. We are walking around this almost abandoned city when everything starts to get dark and the wind starts to pick up. We dash underneath a high rise building for coverage. The wind storm gets worse and worse. I know in my dream that this is the end up of the world. Armageddon. Across the river are more buildings and we can see the outline of all them where we sit. Slowly, all the electricity goes out of each building one by one. We sit in darkness and silence until we hear the chime of church bells all around us. We sit there until a black homeless man comes up to Jen and I. He wants to do something sexual with us since it's the end of the world. Jen agrees to kiss him. A boy I know from Pittsburgh then throws the man off Jen and starts to beat the shit out of him. Jen and I sit there, astonished to what is all happening around us. When we look up and see that there are other people still in the city and are slowing starting to emerge. Antolin appears and asks what the black man is doing to us. The man hauls off and hits Antolin, causing his eyes to bleed. He falls to his knees and blood goes everywhere. It starts flowing down the streets. We then start to hear screams. We look up and there is man coming out of one of the tunnels and is shooting the survivors. He kept screaming that this is for everyone who doesn't like Columbus and doesn't like his cat named, "Puppy". I woke myself up at this point.



Why do we dream these things? How did it get conjured up in our sub conscience? Are these fucked up dreams supposed to relay something important to my everyday life?

Regardless, I love my dreams. Albeit, they're crazy, sometimes scary and leave me in an emotional haze all day long, I would not want to be rid of them.


p.s.- Thanks dream, for ending on such a weird/funny note.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

This song is like a punch in the gut and a mind blowing orgasm at the same time.

I want to really DO great things and I finally feel like I have the time...

I GOT A 21 CENTURY PHONE!

and to think this day would every come...!!!

2 crows cancel the bad luck out

This summer was the longest summer of my life and not in a good way.

Things have changed and that's always good. Change is welcomed in my life and I've always had that opinion (even though I'm the girl with the odd rituals/routines concerning almost every aspect of my life, especially food. I like major change). So in other words, BRING IT ON LIFE! I'M READY!

Lately I've been seeing crows in even numbers. 1 crow=bad luck. 2 crows=good luck.

It's about goddamn time!

My Mantra for the time being:

i need to get the fuck out of here. i need to get the fuck out of here. i need to get the fuck out of here.

I like: alone

I like being alone more and more lately. Not just in the sense of lacking a significant other, just being alone. I like not going out every night. I enjoy falling asleep sober at 10 in the evening and waking up naturally at 9. I like feeling good throughout the day and having energy to run and to take my dog on walks. I love my books. Being immersed in something other than T.V. or other people's problems and drama is so...ah! GREAT!

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the occasional night of drunken debauchery and good times to be had. I like time well spent with my friends. But I refuse to become one of those people. People who are well over the age of 25, live off of friends/relatives/suckers, don't have jobs/careers/dreams and are losers. LOSERS!!! Losers who feel the need to have at least 5 drinks + every night and HAVE to go out, HAVE to be seen even though their body is deteriorating. Suck the money and life and help out of every one they know. Why do we put up with this? Maybe it's the ultimate hipster type way, but goddamn. I think you, you losers, are stupid.

I cant' explain it, but something in my snapped. Negative people, objects, situations and attitudes need not apply in my life.

Here's to the beginning of something wonderful! It can only get better from here on out!

boyfriend criteria

I don't care if you think this is excessive. or unrealistic. or even dumb. This is LOVE and I can dream as big as I fucking want to and deserve a hell of a lot more than what I've had in the past.

wish lists
(in no particular order)
is:
funny
smart
handsome
taller than me
nice hands
inspires me
I inspire him
has a steady income
not a mooch
values things (of different natures)
my best friend
I am his best friend
best sex ever
does not do hardcore drugs
not a complete stoner either
does not smoke (it'll only make me want to smoke more and I'm trying to stop ALTOGETHER)
lets me be emotional (which I rarely am)
has a car (or some reliable mode of transportation. NOT a skateboard)
has gumption/drive/determination
cares about himself
does not make it too easy for me
a good kisser/wants to make out for hours
is not depressed (like, clinically)
is not bankrupt
goes down on me
thinks I have the best style in the world and tells me when he likes my outfits
best sex EVER (this was worth repeating)
knows I'm talented
we look good as a couple
not an asshole
likes my friends
will want to stay in but will also go out sometimes
wears acceptable footwear
and yes, pays for things! I will offer because I am polite but I'd like that to be an JUST an option.


I've been very inspired lately by this lady.